Joke of the day 20/09

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:

“That’s Strange!”

Joke of the day 17/09

A farm girl from Saskatchewan walks into a bar in Calgary and orders three mugs of Bud.

She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the farm girl, 'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'

The farm girl replies, 'Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Cranbrook . When we all left our home in Saskatchewan, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself.'

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The farm girl becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'

The farm girl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.'Oh, no, everybody's just fine,' she explains, 'It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my sisters though.'

Joke of the day 14/09

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'