A joke a day.. Keeps Da Prelims away~

A joke dedicated to all graduatin classes~
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are unhurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days". Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police."
Moral of the story.. neva offend women

A joke a day.. keeps da money issue away~

Morals of life... i passed my cme guys

One should love animals. They are so tasty.
Save water. shower with your friend.
Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Wise never marry. and when they marry they become otherwise.

A joke a day, keeps da holiday homework away~

A seventeen-year-old girl goes to see her mom and tells her that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the hell did this to you? I want to know!!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a brand new Ferrari stops at their house, a mature and distinguished man, with grey hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 3 stores, 2 townhouses, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $500,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage..."

At this point, the father, who had remained silent all this time, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him: "Then you f*ck her again!!!"

A joke a day.. sch reopen oso can smile~

There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He didn't move for a half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.
The truck driver turned and said: 'Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying.'
'No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar.
And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink my poison.'

A Joke a day.. keeps the homeworks away~

Vithawin and Wenyi are camping in the desert. They set up their tent and are soon asleep. Some hours later, Vithawin wakes his faithful friend and asks, "Wenyi, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Wenyi replies, "Me see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Vithawin.
Wenyi ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appearsto be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small andinsignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What it tell you, my friend?"
Vithawin is silent for a moment, then speaks: "Wenyi, you dumb-ass, someone stole our tent."

A joke a day, keeps the PRELIMS away!~!

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it. For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying.
One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents.
"My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you." Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, well that's the money I've made selling the doilies."