George W. Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Bush asks to speak with vice president Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one." Dick Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Bush. "Say, I did so much research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Joke of da day 26/11
A smart businessman says to his son: "Son, i want you to marry someone i know"
Son: no thanks, i'll chose the one i'll marry
Father: "what if i tell you that she is bill gates's daughter?"
Son: "hmm. that's something"
The next day the father calls bill gates and say: "bill, i have a great bridegroom for you!"
Bill: "No thanks, my daughter is too young for marriage"
Father: "what if i tell you that he is a young boy who's working as a deputy of a chairman at the world bank?
Bill: "hmm. that's something"
Then the father calls to the world bank's chairman and say: "i have a great guy for deputy's position!"
The chairman: "no thanks, i have already too many of them"
Father: what if i tell you that he is bill gates's groomer?"
Son: no thanks, i'll chose the one i'll marry
Father: "what if i tell you that she is bill gates's daughter?"
Son: "hmm. that's something"
The next day the father calls bill gates and say: "bill, i have a great bridegroom for you!"
Bill: "No thanks, my daughter is too young for marriage"
Father: "what if i tell you that he is a young boy who's working as a deputy of a chairman at the world bank?
Bill: "hmm. that's something"
Then the father calls to the world bank's chairman and say: "i have a great guy for deputy's position!"
The chairman: "no thanks, i have already too many of them"
Father: what if i tell you that he is bill gates's groomer?"
Friday, November 25, 2005
Joke of da day 25/11
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".
I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".
I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's go to my apartment".
After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".
"OK", I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked...
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".
I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".
I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's go to my apartment".
After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".
"OK", I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked...
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Joke of da day 24/11
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Joke of da day 23/11
Proof that men are 3 times more evil
First we state that men need time, money, girl and sex.
Men = Time x Money x Girl x Sex
We all know "time is money."
Time = Money
Therefore:
Men = Money x Money x Girl x Sex
And we all know to many men:
Girl = Sex
As for the previous proof showing "girls are evil" So
Girl = Evil then,
Evil = Sex
Men = Money x Money x Evil x Evil
Men = Money^2 x Evil^2
And because "money is the root of all evil."
Men = (sqrt(Evil))^2 x Evil^2
Men = Evil x Evil^2
Men = Evil^3
Men = 3 times more evil than Girl.
First we state that men need time, money, girl and sex.
Men = Time x Money x Girl x Sex
We all know "time is money."
Time = Money
Therefore:
Men = Money x Money x Girl x Sex
And we all know to many men:
Girl = Sex
As for the previous proof showing "girls are evil" So
Girl = Evil then,
Evil = Sex
Men = Money x Money x Evil x Evil
Men = Money^2 x Evil^2
And because "money is the root of all evil."
Men = (sqrt(Evil))^2 x Evil^2
Men = Evil x Evil^2
Men = Evil^3
Men = 3 times more evil than Girl.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Joke of da day 22/11
Proof that girls are evil:
First we state that "girls require time and money."
Girl = Time x Money
And as we all know "time is money."
Time = Money
And because "money is the root of all evil."
Money = sqrt(Evil)
Originally we have:
Girl = Time x Money
And now we substitue everything in, we get:
Girl = Money x Money
Girl = sqrt(Evil) x sqrt(Evil)
Girl = (sqrt(Evil))^2
Gril = Evil
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Joke of da day 17/11
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family, and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are about making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog which had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A few minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!"
A few minutes later, the woman had to let another one rip. This time, she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are about making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog which had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A few minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!"
A few minutes later, the woman had to let another one rip. This time, she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
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