When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, 'Does your boss know that you discourage business?'
'Actually, it's my boss's idea,' the employee replied sheepishly. 'We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.'
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Joke of da day 08/09
Two idiots go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore.
The first idiot says: "I hope you will remember the spot where we caught all those fish."
The Other Answers : Yes, I made an 'X" on the side of the boat to mark the spot."
"You idiot!" replies the first.
"How do you know we will get the same boat tommorow?"
The first idiot says: "I hope you will remember the spot where we caught all those fish."
The Other Answers : Yes, I made an 'X" on the side of the boat to mark the spot."
"You idiot!" replies the first.
"How do you know we will get the same boat tommorow?"
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Joke of da day 07/09
As he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.
Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.
As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains the plan:
- First I'll climb up there with the ladder;
- Then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat;
- As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuaha dog will attack its private parts;
- When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered it's hands to it's groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs;
- Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo...
Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner, 'asks why he was handed the 12 gauge shotgun?
"Well... " explains the experienced gorilla retriever, It's just a precaution should thing not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat
- Shoot the dog...
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.
Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.
As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains the plan:
- First I'll climb up there with the ladder;
- Then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat;
- As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuaha dog will attack its private parts;
- When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered it's hands to it's groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs;
- Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo...
Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner, 'asks why he was handed the 12 gauge shotgun?
"Well... " explains the experienced gorilla retriever, It's just a precaution should thing not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat
- Shoot the dog...
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Joke of da day 06/09
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the deer meat for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is. So he doesn't tell them.
His little boy, Jimmy, keeps asking him, "What's for supper dad?"
"You'll see", he replies. They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.
"Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."
His daughter screams... Don't eat it Jimmy! ..................... It's an asshole!
His little boy, Jimmy, keeps asking him, "What's for supper dad?"
"You'll see", he replies. They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.
"Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."
His daughter screams... Don't eat it Jimmy! ..................... It's an asshole!
Monday, September 05, 2005
Joke of da day 05/09
Memo from Director General to Manager:
--------------------------------------
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
-------------------------------------
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
-------------------------------------------
The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.
Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
--------------------------------------
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.
Memo from Supervisor to staff:
------------------------------
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director general disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.
--------------------------------------
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
-------------------------------------
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
-------------------------------------------
The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.
Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
--------------------------------------
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.
Memo from Supervisor to staff:
------------------------------
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director general disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Joke of da day 02/09
A guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm.The night was rolling and no car went by, the storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him and stop. The guy without thinking about it got in the car closes the door just to realize there's nobody behind the wheel. The car starts slowly, the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way, scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel.
The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are before a curve.The guy gathering strength gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock goes to a cantina and asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went thru. A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked in the same cantina and one "Look Pepe, that's the asshole that got in the car when we were pushing it."
The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are before a curve.The guy gathering strength gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock goes to a cantina and asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went thru. A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked in the same cantina and one "Look Pepe, that's the asshole that got in the car when we were pushing it."
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